Joshua 1:9

Joshua 1:9
Yes, this is the verse I finally chose to put on my 'while he is away' necklace charm.  Just a simple piece to wear while my son is at boot to remind me to "pray continually", and to keep me ever thinking on this passage of scripture.

It makes it cool that his name happens to be Joshua as well, so the scripture reference plays double duty for this mom in particular. 

I also decided that I needed to get that verse memorized; in my head and in my heart!!!
So, I also went on a search to find a graphic to use as my cell phone screen saver. My phone is constantly in front of my eyeballs, so it is a great way to get scripture in. 
I wanted the colors and visual flow of the words to be just right because I have to look at it all the time, and I am picky about such things....being an artist myself. 

I looked and looked, trying to find just the right thing and I wanted it to read just like I had taken the time to put it to memory in the past. I hate to admit it, but it was the short version, likely because of the song with the same theme.
  "Be strong and courageous, do not fear, for the Lord goes before you."

However, that is NOT entirely what the verse says.  Why did I never see it before, but now it stands out so very clearly in the phase of my life?  Well, it is another evidence to me, how important it is to keep putting the word of God in!  The different parts of your life, bring out things that maybe were not pressing before.

Here is the fullness of the verse, from the NIV
"Have I not commanded you?"

Ummmm, I am just gonna have to stop right there, because that is the part that keeps getting to me!!! 
"Have I not commanded you?"
"Have I not commanded you?"
 The simple question put before Joshua, who is set to lead the people of Israel to conquer the promised land.
And what was it He was commanding??
Be strong. Be courageous. Obey my laws. Do not turn to the right or to the left. Do not be afraid.  Do not be discouraged.
And then He repeats it all over again in different words.  And then He says....Have I not commanded you? and then repeats it all again in a concise little package. 
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.


And I foolishly realize, it isn't a suggestion....this not being afraid or discouraged thing.  It is a command.  Not only does he expect it of us, he also gives us fodder for why we CAN accomplish it!!!! 

"...the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

I got this necklace with this verse, as a reminder to pray it FOR my son, and took the long road to realizing it was ME who needed the verse.  ME who needed the lesson of submission, ME who needs to not be afraid or discouraged.  Ohhhh, I am sure my kiddo needs it too, but I had no idea that *I* needed it so badly too. 

Now don't get me wrong, I am having my emotional ups and downs.  I am a momma with normal concerns and definitely have some trust issues with what the Marine Corps is going to do to my son in the process of shaping him to be a part of the few, the proud. It is a sure struggle balancing the feelings of letting go, with those of full trust.  I am pretty certain it is quite possible to have both of those exist at the same time, while processing this huge adjustment.  I do believe it is the letting go of the fear and doubt and worry that puts me in line with following this command.
Frankly.....I have stunk at it so far. 

You know another one that keeps calling me out as well???  1 Thes 5:16-18
"Be joyful in all things.  Pray continually.  Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"


UGH!!!  WOW, what a thing to work toward. 
 So, this is me.  Not doing awesome at these things, but keeping them close to my heart and working on them each day. 


60 more days to go, plenty of time for practice!!! 

 

The wait

If I had to describe these last four weeks, his first month away....it would be like this.  It is the only thing that even comes close. Once again I am writing quickly with a small amount of time to accomplish the task, so it will be what it will be.  I woke up this morning with this realization.

The first day of kindergarten.  Whoa, I remember the thrill and dread of getting my kid ready for that new adventure in his life!!  I knew it was coming, and it either felt like the time was rushing by like a freight train, or that it was crawling, as I did my best to get them ready for the big send off.

Do you remember that first day??  When the ball of anxiety settled down into the pit of your stomach, and you knew it was going to be there all day long.  NOT because you didn't think they could make it, but because you knew they could.
However, obsessive thoughts poured through your mind all day long. Were they happy, were they sad?  Will they start to get hungry before it was snack time.  Was the person that sat next to them nice?  Did they feel confident enough to ask for help if they needed it? Were they scared? Did they miss you?  All of that racing through your brain after the tears stop, but before you even get out of the parking lot from dropping them off.
Do you remember how you slugged through that day?  Your child ever on your mind, constant checking on your watch to see how many hours were left in the day.  And the wondering, always the wondering of how they were doing.  Did they wear the right clothes, were their new shoes hurting their feet?  Did he have enough to eat at lunch...did he even eat his lunch?  Was he brave or too shy?  All day long, the questions going unanswered.
  All day long the minutes seeming like hours. 
All day long the back and forth of pride in them and longing for them.  Do you remember how it made your heart seem to hurt...that crazy combination of pride and longing?

Will they pay attention to bring home all they need.  Will they be alert enough to catch the right bus? Will the bus be fun or terrifying? 
Pit in your stomach, swollen heart hurting, tears.... all to ready for an excuse to show themselves as you continued the torture of waiting.....and it was only half day kindergarten!!!!! 
It was so close to being obsessed with something, without it being creepy because it is your kid after all. 

Then you heard it.  The unmistakable rumbling sound of the bus. Then the squeal of the brakes that seem to be a direct correlation with every bus ever made.  You see the movement of a shape, making its way down the aisle, and your breath catches in your throat because you know.... you know that it is your kid!!!  They must look down to keep their footing sure on those huge bus steps, but when their feet hit the pavement, that is the moment they look up and you can see that precious face.
The wait was over, there was your baby back within your sites....and you could breathe normally again. 

 Yes, I would say that is what these last 4 weeks have been like.
 62 more days.  8 more Saturdays. 2 months until that face is in my sights again and I can breathe normally. 

Until then I am working on that pit in my stomach, and the swell in my heart.  I know he is where he wants to be, and I couldn't be more proud of his choice.
Waiting and waiting until my feet are standing on the pavement at MCRD, and I can finally look at that boy of mine.  He won't even slightly resemble that little 5 year old coming off of the bus, and won't it be awesome!!!