The first day of kindergarten. Whoa, I remember the thrill and dread of getting my kid ready for that new adventure in his life!! I knew it was coming, and it either felt like the time was rushing by like a freight train, or that it was crawling, as I did my best to get them ready for the big send off.
Do you remember that first day?? When the ball of anxiety settled down into the pit of your stomach, and you knew it was going to be there all day long. NOT because you didn't think they could make it, but because you knew they could.
However, obsessive thoughts poured through your mind all day long. Were they happy, were they sad? Will they start to get hungry before it was snack time. Was the person that sat next to them nice? Did they feel confident enough to ask for help if they needed it? Were they scared? Did they miss you? All of that racing through your brain after the tears stop, but before you even get out of the parking lot from dropping them off.
Do you remember how you slugged through that day? Your child ever on your mind, constant checking on your watch to see how many hours were left in the day. And the wondering, always the wondering of how they were doing. Did they wear the right clothes, were their new shoes hurting their feet? Did he have enough to eat at lunch...did he even eat his lunch? Was he brave or too shy? All day long, the questions going unanswered.
All day long the minutes seeming like hours.
All day long the back and forth of pride in them and longing for them. Do you remember how it made your heart seem to hurt...that crazy combination of pride and longing?
Will they pay attention to bring home all they need. Will they be alert enough to catch the right bus? Will the bus be fun or terrifying?
Pit in your stomach, swollen heart hurting, tears.... all to ready for an excuse to show themselves as you continued the torture of waiting.....and it was only half day kindergarten!!!!!
It was so close to being obsessed with something, without it being creepy because it is your kid after all.
Then you heard it. The unmistakable rumbling sound of the bus. Then the squeal of the brakes that seem to be a direct correlation with every bus ever made. You see the movement of a shape, making its way down the aisle, and your breath catches in your throat because you know.... you know that it is your kid!!! They must look down to keep their footing sure on those huge bus steps, but when their feet hit the pavement, that is the moment they look up and you can see that precious face.
The wait was over, there was your baby back within your sites....and you could breathe normally again.
Yes, I would say that is what these last 4 weeks have been like.
62 more days. 8 more Saturdays. 2 months until that face is in my sights again and I can breathe normally.
Until then I am working on that pit in my stomach, and the swell in my heart. I know he is where he wants to be, and I couldn't be more proud of his choice.
Waiting and waiting until my feet are standing on the pavement at MCRD, and I can finally look at that boy of mine. He won't even slightly resemble that little 5 year old coming off of the bus, and won't it be awesome!!!
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