I am anxious to hear about the proper procedure for next Sunday when he will head to the hotel near the MEPS station to check in for shipping off.
I did find out (contrary to what I had thought....oh my communicator son that he is) (sarcasm) that we take him to the recruiters office that day, and they deliver him there.
We did revisit the conversation about going that Monday morning to watch him take his final oath, and it was decided that we would in fact go!!! Eeeeeeek, Major mom victory there. I want to have at least that mental picture of what he looks like and how he holds himself that day, in comparison with when we get to see him once again at graduation. Now I didn't say that I wasn't going to bring my camera, because I am, but I will try to be stealthy. Ninja like. Silent but deadly.
And y'all, please please please please start praying now that I can hold it together that day.
It seems that the more I want to be able to get a hold of my emotions the harder it is. I try not to put myself in situations where I will be broadsided by things that may trigger the tears.
AKA almost everything in life. HA!!
The truth is, when I get up and get moving in the morning, I am usually just fine. When I get in my van to get busy with errands, I am ok. I may have a moment or two with a special song on the radio, but most of the time I can just sing along and enjoy! (yeah to KSBJ, our local christian station) But when it hits me that I have to go and be with people, that is when the panic begins to creep in on me.
When it is people who love me, the fear gets greater.
You know why right?
Those people that love me, are going to ask me how I am doing. They are going to ask how long it is until he leaves. They are going to wonder how my other kiddos are doing, and if I am planning anything special before he goes. It is an all out assault on my resolve to not let the emotions overwhelm.
I want to choose when to be out of control about it, and the gentle prodding of those questions get to me immediately like a dagger to the heart. I am doomed before I even try to speak.
I think the secret is lead in conversation time before getting to those questions; so that they flow naturally from the conversation and not what begins communication.
I KNOW people mean well. I know that they are not thinking about how volatile I feel. I know that like me, in times of not really knowing what to say, they just say the first thing that comes to mind. They make comparisons and try to find similarities.
Those words meant to give comfort are often those that hurt the most; especially when someone is grieving.
Have no doubt about it, when a parent is sending their child into the world, there is grief there. What a proud culmination of 18 or more years of labor, to see them head off to follow those dreams. It has been so eye opening to talk to fellow moms who have already sent their kiddos off to college, and see the loss they are coping with. The dreams around here just happen to involve immediate drastic separation, danger and self sacrifice. That is quite overwhelming to this particular mom!!
People naturally want to help ease that burden, and words are an easy way to do it.
They are also the easiest way to hurt someone.....and most often without intent!!!
I learned SO much about words and their impact this last summer when two of my dearest friends were facing major tragedies in their lives in the very same week. I have never wanted to punch so many people in the face in such a short amount of time...haha, not that that is an action I would choose, it is just an expression.
So many well meaning words spoken that just cut to the quick over and over again. And, actions meant to be helpful that only caused more 'work' at surviving.
WE are all guilty of it, but WE all need to really SLOW down and be mindful of what we are saying and doing. We need to put forth a major effort at maturity, and truly take the time to learn how we can best serve others when they are in the middle of a struggle.
I suppose it has been something I have been meaning to express for some time, and now is as good a time as any to get it written out.
I would say first and foremost:
When you have not personally been in a situation, you CANNOT know how it feels. Don't try to compare your situation to theirs. Even a shred of similarity degrades the specifics of what is causing their current struggle.
Second:
When someone is in the big fat middle of a loss or pain; instead of trying to come up with words to try to make it better, choose an action, that can show your love. Cook a meal and deliver it, without expectation of conversation or being entertained. Fill a grocery list, purchase a gas card, go sweep their floor or feed their dog, or put in a load of laundry.
Send a text that simply says I love you, or I have just prayed for you....and don't expect a response. Don't repeat old and tired platitudes that seem to be good advice, but cannot heal.
Third:
You don't be the one to lead in the conversation about the hurt, let the hurting one choose when to talk about it, and how much they want to talk about it. It lets them be in control of those emotions that are so overwhelming.
Fourth:
If you say you are going to pray for someone, then do it. Do it often, and communicate to them that you are, dependent upon their comfort level.
Fifth:
Be quiet. Ask for the Lord to guide your words, and choose them well.
Sixth:
Don't put out generic..."If there is anything I can do to help, you let me know."
Because they can't, which means they won't. DO something. Fill specific needs.
Above all, do but don't expect. Do because you can and you want to, without trying to fill your need for being appreciated or even thanked.
Seventh:
Do not try to dig for the big scoop. Don't demand details, or yearn to know the rest of the story. Don't let you human need to know what is going on, override your mission to serve.
YMMV, as they say. Your Mileage May Vary on putting some of these suggestions to work. Every person is different with different pressure points and levels of comfort. We are never gonna be able to do it just right, but we can sure make the effort at trying. We CAN get better at being a light and a comfort, but y'all it takes specific heartfelt effort.
Once again, I did not begin this post with the words in mind and it took on a life of its own, even steering far away from my particular journey at this time. I am cool with it though; words that have been on my heart, and some that I will share with my kiddos in hopes that they will be better at this way sooner in life than me.
I leave you with this image. Comfort is being given, and received. Maybe someday I will tell you the story.
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