It all started with a cake!!

So there I was in the grocery store last Saturday afternoon.  I specifically remember that my list included eggs and bananas, but the rest of it is a blur. Of course knowing me, I got more than eggs and bananas, but that is simply how I roll.  But, because of the circumstances eggs and bananas are all that I remember. 
I am trying to get used to my mind being mush.
The cashier was just finishing up scanning my few items, as the gal behind me in line began loading her assortment of groceries onto the conveyor belt. I noticed her being extra careful as she lifted a cake box from her cart, and she did a nice pivot to keep it steady as she set it down.  We made eye contact and I smiled that mom to mom smile.  I suspected that it was a birthday cake, so I leaned over just the slightest bit to take a glimpse at the choice she had made, wanting to celebrate with her just the tiniest bit. 
It was a familiar color scheme of tan, greens, and browns with the place of honor taken big a big old tank. 
Of all things y'all, it had to be a tank.
 TANKS = MOS, MOS=JOB, JOB=MAN/BOY leaving for bootcamp.

My heart began to beat wildly as I stood there suddenly and immediately taken back to a birthday... making dark green icing.... using tootsie rolls for the tracks and gun turret, celebrating the love of a little boy for heavy machinery of the armored kind.   ( I wish I could find the pictures, it was a wonderful cake!)
 I began to try to speak coherently and it just all came out a jumbled mess of tears and apologies, and trying to tell her through that to hold on to these moments because they are so fleeting, while also trying to explain the rush of emotion because my little guy who used to love tanks, who still loves tanks, would be off all too soon. 
I felt as if at that very moment,  the whole lot of people at the store began to move in slow motion; all of them choosing to stare at me like I was an idiot for the tears that were beginning to fall. I somehow managed to gather my bags in a rush, and with my eyes now thoroughly blurred, I shuffled out to my van holding back the sobs.
That didn't last long.
I cried all the way home. Stupid cry. Ugly cry, and that was just the beginning.
All week, that stupid ugly cry found me.
Not in the things you might imagine, like giving my son his last haircut or talking to him about whether his siblings would be able to make it to graduation. 
NO, not stuff like that...it was random stuff.
How random you ask???
I specifically remember driving in my van, and the leaves were falling, as they are meant to do in the fall....and I lost it. Seriously, who cries because the leaves are falling, in the fall?? This gal.
A friend made me some cookies, that made me cry.
She included a note, I glanced at it briefly and I cannot bear to read it, because I know that it will make me cry and I am all about controlling my cry times (HA!) so I am saving it to read until I feel stable.  (Double HA!) 
The lady checking her baby in the stroller, cried. 
The song on the radio....ANY song on the radio, crying.
Posting a status to facebook, ugh, yes I cried.  Etc, etc, etc.......
Some things seem to make sense while others just make me feel like a loon.  I absolutely cannot get it together for any extended length of time. 
Every. Single. Day. This. Week. The ugly cry.

Then a gentle voice came from out of the darkness that whispered...."MY son leaves for bootcamp the same day as yours."
Ok, it wasn't dark and she didn't whisper, it was just a reply to a post I made in a facebook group.
But, suddenly I wasn't alone anymore.
That sounds dramatic, like I have no support group or anyone that loves me, or no one to pray for me and mine. 
None of that is true, I am beyond blessed in all of those things. My church family, my sisters here, friends with boys in the corps, my family afar all of them doing their best to make this transition easier. 
BUT, somehow knowing her walk and mine, day after day, will be the same road, has made all the difference in the world. Seriously a GIFT, that God knew that I needed.
Oh, I am still a mess but I know somewhere out there my new friend is just as much of a mess as I am.  HAhahaha, oh that sounds terrible.  But, goodness it is true.  
We are messy together.
We are believers in Christ praying messy prayers. 
Christian sisters depending on the Spirit to intercede with those words we cannot come up with as we pray for our boys.
Knowing that her heart is struggling and yet she is praying for me and mine...OH MY GOODNESS, it gives me some peace.


I reasoned out very clearly this week while loudly singing along to "Blesssed be the name of the Lord"  that I/we, are not lacking in faith, we are just Moms trying to figure out how to let go, with an extra dose of let go, military style.
  I am going to say more about that next time, as this has gotten long. It is important and needs a whole separate post.

For today, back to one of the goals of this here blog.  Encouragement and getting past the feeling crazy thing.
I want you reader to know about a few places to seek help on your military mom journey.  I am just finding a few of them myself, so I cannot fully vouch for them yet, but they look promising.  
THIS is a group on Facebook for people whose kids are still home waiting to leave (Poolee).  So many questions answered and support given.  It is within that group that you can find out the specific Company your child will be in.  This is important, because there are volunteers that keep you abreast on all that is going on leading up to graduation, and lots of tips on managing that. 
THIS is a non denominational site to give support and prayers to marine moms.  Their goal, "the place where Marine/Recruit Moms give and receive prayer, support, and encouragement to each other."
THIS is a ministry to Christians within the military; a program to connect military personnel, with the churches near where they are stationed. 

THIS is marineparents.com, wowza what a wealth of information.  

Once you find out which Recruit Depot your child will go to, there is even a facebook group for that.  Be forewarned though....lots of pictures of screaming drill instructors there!!  hee hee



Ok, I must get, so that means a horsey photo.
This is my friend, Riskey.  I caught her in the middle of a yawn, but it looks like she is nothing but weird in comparison to those other gals just going about their day. 

 I want to say, you be where you are with your emotions.  Cry, even the stupid ugly cry...but don't stop there.  Seek out some help, say some prayers and press on.  We've got this!!