I have been super emotional these last few weeks. It comes in waves, rolling in and out sometimes leaving me gasping for air.
There are two specific things at work in that.
1. My son is heading off to the Marines. 2. My son is heading off to the Marines.
I *think* I am settling into the idea of the first one. I mean, it is the Marines...there is a specific expectation there of what it will be like.
Frankly the training sounds a whole lot like being the mom of a baby and a toddler at the same time.
No seriously....
• someone is always screaming at you
• you were so busy all day taking care of assorted demands that you barely ate
• you get woken at ridiculous hours to do all sorts of ridiculous things
• you are pushed to the edge of sanity from lack of sleep
• your body is extended to its limits with the pack of stuff needed to support the needs of the masses
See, just add in some push-ups, a hike or two, and a uniform....no biggie!!!
If I can survive the mom years, he can survive bootcamp!!
Of course I know that is a gross over simplification of the very serious demands put on these young people, but the over all point is..... it is doable. Hundreds of people have proven that since 1775!
They have a system and it works. I finally gotten to the point where I genuinely believe it will be great for my kid. (In some ways, not all ways but that is another post)
Now don't get me wrong, it has taken quite some time, but I have had months to process it and get settled into it. Oh yes, it is a far cry from the panic attack and rage of tears after leaving him at the recruiting station for the first time. I don't want to be that person anymore. I know it is the path he wants to take, and I want to fully support him in that, despite my feeeeeelings on the matter as his mom.
Now let's take a closer look at the second on the list. Unfortunately it begins to bleed over into the first by design of the USMC.
My son is heading off. My firstborn son is leaving our home. The child who made me a mommy, had to live through my mistakes, the one who made my heart literally quadruple in size the day he was born is setting off to fly. Those are all amazing things for him, it means he has gotten to where we wanted him to be, and there is joy there.
However, it also means when I holler that supper is ready, only two sets of footfalls will now be heard rumbling down the stairs. When we gather for prayer time in the evening as we have for...well forever, there will be no more of the oldest child starting it off. On Sunday morning, I will now wake up two children instead of three. Someone else will call shotgun when running to the van, someone else will eat the last cookie, someone else will be hassling the dog. And on and on and on with the things that make our crazy crew, just us.
There is going to be a gaping hole in this house, in this HOME.
We are a unit, a team, a FAMILY and 1/5 of it is about to be GONE.
I KNOW that it is how it is supposed to go. I know that it is the natural progression of life to see those babies leave the nest. I know it, but it doesn't make it any less hard to figure out how to deal with.
And on top of it, in case you didn't know....there is no easing into the transition with phone calls and visits and care packages, no skype or email, not even a text.
No, it is more like severing a limb.
This is how it will go...to the best of my knowledge.
We tell him goodbye Sunday the 15th of November in downtown Houston where he is required to spend the night. Ya know with all the stuff he packed.
At some point the next day, he will swear a final oath to the Marines, take a flight to San Diego and then a bus to arrive at bootcamp.
We will get ONE phone call. He has to read (most likely shout along with the other fellas who are also calling home) something like this.
“I have arrived safely at MCRD San Diego. Please do not send any food or bulky items. I will contact you in 3 to 5 days via postcard with my new mailing address. Thank you for your support. Goodbye for now.”
Then nothing. For 13 weeks.
Unless he writes. (Please, oh please oh please let him write)
Then it will be weeks and weeks of your child being put through a ton of things that you as a parent have tried to protect them from. You know they won't get enough sleep or food. You know they will have a constant strain on their confidence. You know they will be pushed beyond what they think their limits are. You know day in and day out they will likely be in pain in some way or another. And it is the path they are choosing. And you know that you can't do a single thing about it. AND you know that you aren't meant to do a single thing about it.
The 'job' that started April of '97 has just given me two weeks notice. Sigh.
Lord willing he will graduate, have 10 days leave and then be off to Infantry training, then his specific job training.
When you have a healthy, sweet, Godly family who love each other with this heading your way, I think you should have the expectation of some pretty strong emotions.
I don't want people to tell me it is going to be okay, because right now it is just stinkin' overwhelming.
Did I mention he won't be home for Thanksgiving or Christmas?? Yeah :(
I almost forgot my picture.
I choose this one of Riskey. The end of last year, she miscarried her foal; she was a little over halfway through her pregnancy. The baby had to be taken away, and she paced and paced this fence calling out, knowing something just wasn't right, but powerless to change it.
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